I think I know someone experiencing Honour Based Abuse

Knowing how to support someone who you think may be experiencing Honour Based Abuse can be difficult. It is important to approach them with compassion and without judgement. Honour Based Abuse can take many forms and is often carried out to protect what family or community members perceive to be the family's reputation or 'honour'.

You do not have to manage this situation on your own. It is not your responsibility to 'fix' what is happening or keep the person safe by yourself. One of the most valuable things you can do is listen, believe them, and encourage them to access specialist support.

If you are worried about someone's safety or are unsure what to do, seek advice from your university's Specialist Wellbeing Team or Safeguarding Team, or a specialist honour-based abuse service. They can help you understand how to support the person safely while also looking after your own wellbeing.

Urgent Support

Are they in immediate danger or need urgent medical help? If you become aware that someone is at immediate risk of serious harm, or you believe there is an imminent danger to them or another person, you should report your concerns immediately to the emergency services by calling 999. Report and Support is not an emergency reporting tool.
Find a safe space. If an incident has happened, and it is safe to do so, help them get to a place where they feel safe.
Call Campus Security if they are on campus - 01227 823333.

small graphic. text reads have you noticed they are:

Withdrawn - They are no longer spending time with friends or they may be missing university, work or other commitments. When you do see them, they seem distant or withdrawn.
Restricted - They may have strict rules about where they can go, who they can see or what they can do. They may be required to have a chaperone or follow a strict curfew.
Pressurised - They may be under intense pressure from family members, including emotional manipulation, threats, guilt, or being told they are bringing shame to the family. There may also be discussions or plans around forced marriage, conversion therapy, being taken abroad, or other attempts to make them conform to expectations.
Injured - Do they have frequent injuries, or are unable to explain their injuries? There may be other signs of physical harm that can not be easily explained.
Scared - They may appear fearful or anxious, particularly when talking about or interacting with family members. This might include becoming visibly tense, avoiding contact with family, being reluctant to go home, or showing signs of hypervigilance such as constantly checking their surroundings, being easily startled, or reacting strongly to unexpected calls, messages, or encounters.
Being controlled - Their family or others may control many aspects of their life. This may include monitoring their movements, restricting access to money or transport, limiting their contact with certain people, or making decisions on their behalf about their studies, career choices, or relationships.

These signs may become more noticeable after something that is seen as bringing "dishonour" to the family or community, such as starting a relationship, accepting a job, choosing a course of study, or making other personal decisions.

This list is not conclusive, and these signs may not always indicate abuse.

small graphic and text: how to support someone experiencing honour based abuse

Your instinct might be to intervene directly, however it is important to remember that this could increase the person's risk of harm.

Do:

If you think someone is in immediate danger, call 999.
Listen - Give them a safe, non-judgemental space to talk. Simply listening can help them feel heard, believed and less alone.
Encourage them access to professional support - Seeking help can feel frightening, but specialist services can provide emotional and practical support while helping to assess and manage the risk of harm. These services can also support you by providing advice and guidance on how to help safely.
Respect their choices - Avoid pressuring them to make decisions before they are ready. Leaving an abusive situation can be extremely difficult and, without careful planning, may increase the risk to their safety.
Take their concerns seriously - Even if you do not fully understand their situation, believe what they tell you and take their fears seriously.
Be discreet - Only discuss their situation in a safe and private place where you cannot be overheard, and where the person feels comfortable and secure. This helps protect their confidentiality and reduces the risk of information being shared with others who may not have their best interests at heart.
Know your limits and the support available. You can be a strong source of support, but you are not responsible for managing someone else’s wellbeing. Familiarise yourself with the Report and Support pages so that you can signpost them to appropriate help.

Don't:

Confront family or community members – Directly approaching or challenging family members or those within the person’s community can significantly escalate the risk of harm. In some cases, it may also place you in danger. Even if your intentions are to help, confrontation can be seen as interference and may lead to increased control, isolation, or violence towards the person you are trying to support.
Share information with anyone connected to the family or community – Information should be treated as strictly confidential. Even casual or well-meaning conversations with mutual contacts, community members, or extended family could unintentionally alert others to the situation. This may increase surveillance, pressure, or immediate risk to the person’s safety.
Pressure them or make decisions on their behalf – It is important to support the person to make their own informed choices at their own pace. Telling them what to do, or pushing them to act before they feel ready, can reduce their sense of control and may discourage them from seeking further help. Instead, focus on offering options, listening to their concerns, and helping them explore safe sources of support.
Underestimate the risk – Honour-based abuse can escalate quickly and unpredictably, particularly if the person is perceived to have brought “dishonour” to their family or community. It is important not to minimise or compare their experience to your own or others’ situations. Even if the situation may not appear serious from the outside, the person’s fear and risk may be very real. Dismissing or downplaying their concerns can make them feel invalidated and less likely to reach out for help again.

Ongoing Support

It might be helpful to:

Check in with them the following day and over the coming weeks.
Give them space to talk about what has/is happening.
Reassure them it is not their fault.
Let them know there is support available and that they are not alone.

If you are concerned that they or someone else is at immediate risk of harm, call 999 (or 112 from a mobile phone). If they are on campus, you can also contact Campus Security on 01227 823333.