Honour Based Abuse can be difficult to recognise. Charity Karma Nirvana explains that 'Honour Based Abuse can lead to a deeply embedded form of coercive control that begins early in the family home, built on expectations about what behaviour is considered acceptable or unacceptable.' It is not unusual for multiple people within the family and/or wider community to contribute to the coercive control a person experiences.
It is important to remember that abuse does not always involve physical violence. A person can exert control in other ways, such as threatening to exclude someone from their family or community, emotionally manipulating them, or threatening to harm themselves if the other person does not comply.
Urgent Support
- Are you in immediate danger or need urgent medical help? If you are in immediate danger or have been seriously injured, call the emergency services on 999 (or 112 from a mobile phone). Report and Support is not an emergency reporting tool.
- Find a safe space. If an incident has happened, and you are able to, try to get to a safe place.
- Cal Campus Security if you are on campus - 01227 823333.
If the below situations feel familiar, you are not alone. Help is available, and support services can help you understand your options safely and confidentially.
Have you had to keep your love life a secret?
You feel unable to tell your family or community that you are dating someone or have a partner because you know it would be viewed as shameful or unacceptable to have a relationship before marriage.
Are you hiding parts of who you are?
You feel you have to hide your sexuality or gender identity because you are afraid your family or community would reject, punish or exclude you. You may feel ashamed or worried about being your true self because of their beliefs.
Have you been forced, or are you being pressured, to get married?
You are being made to marry someone you do not want to marry, or someone you do not know. You may have been forced into marriage as a child or when you were too young to make your own decision. You may have said you do not want to get married, but the pressure continues. You may feel confused, frightened or trapped. Your family may have threatened to take you abroad for the marriage. You may feel that if you refuse, you will lose your family or your community.
Are you being pressured to stay in a marriage?
You know that separating or getting divorced would be the right decision for you, but you are being told you must stay. You may have been told that leaving your marriage would bring shame on you or your family. This pressure may come from your partner, your family, your in-laws or members of your community. You may also have been told that your decisions could affect your siblings or their chances of getting married.
Are you being told you are 'too Westernised'?
You are criticised for the way you dress, wear make-up or express yourself. You may be told to change your appearance or be stopped from wearing the clothes you choose. You may have been told that the way you look or dress brings shame on your family.
Are you being stopped from making your own choices?
You are not able to live your life in the way you want to because you are afraid of the consequences. You may have been threatened with being disowned or cut off if you make choices your family does not agree with. This could include what you study, who your friends are, using social media, leaving your family's faith, living independently or speaking about abuse you have experienced. You may have been told these choices are shameful or dishonourable.
Have you been forced to undergo medical procedures, either in the UK or abroad?
You may have been questioned about your virginity or pressured to undergo so-called virginity testing. You may have been taken abroad for medical procedures without your agreement. You may also have been pressured or forced to undergo female genital mutilation (FGM) or hymenoplasty without your consent
It is understandable to feel confused or uncertain about what you are experiencing. Reaching out for support can help you better understand your situation, answer any questions you may have, and connect you with ongoing support if you need it.
'The key sign of Honour Based Abuse is feeling shamed for your beliefs or choices by your family or community, and feeling controlled or pressured to act differently' - Karma Nirvana
Support
- Specialist Wellbeing Team. During office hours you can speak with the Specialist Wellbeing Team. The team provide practical support and advice to anyone who reports an incident (support available at both Medway and Canterbury). You can book an appointment with the Specialist Wellbeing Team by emailing KentSSW@kent.ac.uk, or by calling 01227 82 3158 from Monday to Friday 9.00 am to 5.00 pm
- Counselling Service. Students are able to access support from our counselling team within Student Support and Wellbeing. Counselling offers you a safe space to address the impact that an incident has had upon you. All counsellors are fully qualified members of BACP, BABCP, or UKCP, and adhere to ethical guidelines. Counselling can be accessed by emailing: counselling@kent.ac.uk or by calling +44 (01227 823206).
- Mental Health and Wellbeing. We have Mental Health Advisers, who can offer mental health advice and support if you have found your mental health to be impacted following an incident. If you feel you need urgent support, please phone 01227 826573 or email KentSSW@kent.ac.uk and ask for an on-the-day appointment.
- SpectrumLife. Offering in the moment support via online, text or telephone. Telephone 0800 0318227 and press option 1, or text/whatsapp 'Hi' to +44 (0)7418 360780.
- Karma Nirvana. The UK's longest established specialist charity for people impacted by 'Honour' based abuse. Offering support via a helpline, Monday - Friday, 9 am - 5 pm, call 0800 5999 24, as well as counselling support and a comprehensive website.
Report
- Report and Support. Report and Support is the University’s online reporting tool. You can choose to make an anonymous report or request support from an adviser. Requesting support does not automatically start a formal complaint. You can receive confidential support without making a formal report. The option you choose determines what happens next: anonymous reports help the University understand patterns and concerns, while requesting adviser support allows an adviser to contact you to discuss your options. No formal investigation will be triggered without your consent, but you can still access support.
- University Procedure. If you would like to discuss your options informally before deciding if you want to make a formal complaint to the university, you can do so by submitting a named Report and Support report. Further details can be found on the Student Appeals, Conduct and Complaints page along with the steps and procedures to follow if you choose to make a formal complaint.
- Reporting Anonymously via Crimestoppers. If you are worried about a reporting process, and would prefer to report anonymously, you can report to Crimestoppers. Crimestoppers is an independent charity that enables people to share information about crime anonymously. Crimestoppers will send your report to the relevant local police force. Find out more on the Crimestoppers website.
- Police For non-emergency support dial 101. To find out more about the support available from Kent Police, visit the Kent Police website.